Family Matters

A High-Tech USB Pregnancy Test? Really?

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We live in a techie world where ovulation, pregnancy, even baby’s diaper changes can be charted via a multitude of apps. So it’s about time someone developed a pregnancy test that not only tells you whether you’re about to put on 40 lbs. in the name of creation, but also gives you lots of other sophisticated, computer-driven data about your baby-to-be.

The cleverly named p-Teq USB Pregnancy Test Kit requires users to pee on a stick, just like all the other home pregnancy tests on the market. But that’s where the similarity ends. Uncap the other end of the wand to expose a USB connector to insert into your computer.

(More on Time.com: WombTube: Taking Home Pregnancy Tests with an Audience)

“The power from your USB port starts the electrospray ionization process, creating a spectrograph of the various masses for your analysis,” according to ThinkGeek, which advertises the pregnancy test on its website. “Get it? Your analysis? Urinalysis? *rimshot* Moving on.”

According to ThinkGeek, the p-Teq’s mass spectrometry software analyzes hormones including human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), which rises in pregnancy; hyperglycosylated hCG (hCG-H), which aids in detecting pregnancy before a missed period; and luteinizing hormone (LH), which helps predict ovulation. P-Teq’s technology is more sensitive than existing pregnancy tests and indicates precise hormone concentrations in a woman’s urine.

(More on Time.com: Women Grieve Miscarriage for Years, Even After Having a Healthy Baby)

Best of all, the website says, the LCD display on the wand indicates positive results with bright, glowing baby head; no more confusing double lines or mundane plus signs for you. Oh, and for added measure, it predicts the likelihood of multiples and your estimated delivery date.

Sound too good to be true? I was skeptical, so I clicked on “Buy It Now” (not that I’m trying to get pregnant, mind you).

(More on Time.com: Longer Pregnancy + Breast-Feeding = Bigger Brains, Longer Life)

“Gotcha!” proclaimed the webpage. “This really never gets old. Happy April Fool’s Day!”

Disappointed? ThinkGeek wants to hear about it: “Want these products for real? Let us know!”

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