Breaking: Don’t Mess With the Marital Bed

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Having sex with your lover in the bed that you share with your spouse is really going to mess with your marriage. More shocking even than this is how many column inches The New York Times devotes to this discovery.

Of course, as with many of these stories, the glory is in the gory details, like the bed salesman who advised a betrayed wife to scribble all over the mattress before she sent the bed off to her ex and his new woman. (European bed, mattress would be hard to replace.)

Or the cad who wanted his wife to have the sofa in the divorce because he’d slept with his mistress on it and she didn’t know.

There’s also an interesting gender division that the Times hints at but leaves tantalizingly  vaguely explained: women are more upset by a cuckolding stranger in their beds, whereas for men, it’s  a cuckolding stranger in their homes.

Still, this is ….news? One can’t  help wonder if the Home & Garden section of the Times is experiencing a little jealousy itself, and looking for the kind of eyeball fusillade that hit the Style section a few weeks back when it ran the notorious homewreckers Vows column.

In any case, people who are stepping out on their spouses, you have been warned. Stick to the Ramada.